Wednesday, May 12, 2010

Zoetic: of or pertaining to life

There's so much I want to talk about right now, and yet I'm just not sure what to say. I don't even know what direction this post is going to go in. It's like when you have so much in your head, circling images that firework across your brain, and you just can't focus. It's like that, except my fingers are what can't focus, they can't get what I'm thinking into words. I guess I could start by saying I feel all the 18 years I've been alive; I feel young. This isn't necessarily a bad thing (youth seems to be what everyone is after), but I see all these grown up women who have youthful spirit yet they've got themselves, or their lives at least, figured out. They have plans, jobs, families...I want that so badly. I want to skip over these years of figuring out what I want and go straight to that comfort zone. That beautiful adulthood of solid friendship, warm love with a significant other, the sticky kisses from your little's on your cheek. I want to stay young forever, who doesn't, but I also want the things that come with being an adult, too.

Of course, all of those things come with growing up, which I'm going to have to do if I ever want those things, and boy do I ever want them. I want them like a cold drink on a hot summer day because it's the only thing you believe can cool you down. Life is so precious, and yet so fragile. When the girl in my school passed away last year from a car accident, I just looked around at all of my classmates and thought, that could have been us. Our lives are expirable, and I don't think people get that fact quite hard enough. Life is picturesque, and I can't image why people would waste such a potentially beautiful thing away like people do. We need to live for the day, live for ourselves, our children, our family. Whether by accident, by someone else's actions, by disease, no matter what takes someone's life...that should just be more reason for each one of us to appreciate still being alive, still being able to love another day, to see our family and friend's faces and give thanks. It's a scary world sometimes, and all of this terrible news that's on the news just makes me strive harder to become the best person I can be. I'm doing that for myself, my family, my future. It's a little harder than I thought, but I'm honestly trying. I've seen so many amazing people and it has given me faith that evil has not taken over this world. It has shadowed the light, but I still see the suns rays peeking out.

I'm going to try my best to create the best moments I can in life, so that I can look back and think "I did not live my life filled with regrets." I'm going to take every possible chance that's thrown my way to broaden my horizon, my personality, my relationships, anything. I want to smile carefree and happy, remembering there is beauty in the world.

This wasn't exactly what I wanted to talk about. I was thinking this would come out being a more sad-sounding post, considering starting this I was in a less than desirable mood, but writing this out and listening to uplifting music has put a smile on my face.

“I went to the woods because I wanted to live deliberately, I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to put to rout all that was not life and not when I had come to die discover that I had not lived.”

~ Henry David Thoreau


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