Saturday, May 22, 2010

regret nothing

It's weird because mostly when you're a teenager you regret nothing. You don't sit and think about things you wish you'd done, or things you've missed out on. You live in the moment. Yet it seems like this switch has turned on in my brain that says "YOU WILL NEVER GET THIS BACK" and suddenly all these ideas, images, thoughts of what could have happened are flooding my brain.

There are things at school I wish I'd found a way to join in on, sports I wish I'd stuck with, and friends I wish I'd met sooner. Some of these things I couldn't have helped from not happening, some of them I honestly think I could have continued with and seen where they could have gone. I don't regret a ton of things, and regret may even be too strong of a word. More like disapointment, really. My years in high school were fun. They might not have been as party-filled as others, and I may not have been the social butterfly of our class...but for the most part I'm happy with where I stand in the grand scheme of things. I'm happy with it because I like a lot of the out come that came from high school, and the things I'm not so happy with I can change. School helped me learn a lot about myself. It helped me find true friends, it helped me define my personality, it educated me to reach for my dreams, and it also showed me a lot of what I want out of my life.

High School has shown me exactly what True Friends really are. It's shown me that being scared to speak up is irrational, and that my thoughts and opinions are important. I still may not be the best public speaker, and I may not be the skinny homecoming queen, but those are the things I'm working on. (Not that I have to be a skinny homecoming queen, but being healthy is a great thing.) The years in school have shown me the worst in people, and at times, the very best. I've had laughs I've forgotten, but I still feel in my heart, and around the edges of my mouth. I've had cafeteria food that probably shouldn't pass health regulations, but somehow still does. I've had teachers I'll miss, and some I'll be happy to wave goodbye.

So...I don't have that many regrets, and if we're going to give them that title, I'd say they're regretlets. They're small, mostly insignificant "what-ifs" that there's no use lingering on. I can only use those what-ifs to shape my future. They'll propel me to go to more social gatherings, be a part of a team, and speak to new people. All these years as a teen has shown me that what's outside the box, no matter what pretty wrapping paper it has, is nothing compared to whats in it. And I'm finally brave enough to tear open that shiny neatly wrapped present to see just exactly what I've gotten inside.


Post a Comment

Blog Template by Delicious Design Studio