Monday, September 6, 2010

slow it down

My world has changed drastically since the last time I posted. Not in a "I'm rich and own 5 Ferrari's" way, I wish, but in the way that my life has almost completely done a 180 in a short span of time.

In my last post I was anticipating the arrival of college. I was fanticizing the people I would meet, the things I would learn, the pure different experience it would be. I can't quite say I'm wrong, since I haven't had enough time to really begin any of those things, but it definitely isn't the world I had thought it would be. College, a lot like high school, gets a shiny layer of COOL stamped over it before it's even been opened. It has this bright gleam on it that blinds you until you step up to it close enough to see what it really looks like. And college hasn't been what I've thought it would look like. I'm going to a community college about 20 minutes from home. That has pros and cons. The pros are it's giving me a cheap and easy way to get my gen eds done before I transfer, the cons are that I don't live in a dorm and because I don't live in the dorm it's hard to meet new people. If I lived on campus (although that isn't an option here, but let us imagine I'm in a school that has dorms) I would get to know my hall I live on, which in turn would give me friends and then they'd make friends themselves and introduce me etc etc. It's a huge chain of meeting new people. When you don't live on campus, it's just basically going to class- and while there are cool people in my classes, I'm sure, you don't really get time to talk. You get maybe 10 minutes before class (most people are silent since it's early morning, or they just don't want to talk to you) and by the time class is over, people are rushing out to leave. They don't want to stop and chat to get to know you. They have no reason too. So really class is as formal as it's ever been for me.

My life has become school and work, work and school. This wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact I don't see my best friend as often as I use to. This summer we saw each other all the time. I was constantly over at her house, or she at mine, or we were off going somewhere. Now that college has started I've seen her a grand total of 2 times, and we're heading into the third week of college. It's confusing and scary and makes me feel lonely in the sense that I feel she's off at her college making new friends, and I'm at mine wishing I had her there to talk to me. Although I know she's still my best friend, it's really hard to feel confident when you haven't seen her for almost a week and when you DO hang out you feel like you've disconnected. (although that fear is stupid because once we hang out were as funny and goofy and close as we always have been.)

So while this isn't exactly the dreamworld I'd thought it would be, it's still a new experience and a beginning. A beginning of something that isn't always perfect, fun or happy, but mostly, mostly, it is- and you must get past the bad moments to get to the good. So I'm out of my element, and missing my friends, and maybe feeling a bit stressed by work and school....but I know I can get through this. I know I can learn to balance it out, because this will pass and it will become norm. Work and school do not define my life- I make my life the way I want it, and for that to happen I need to try and go at it with a positive attitude, open mind, and a smile. I need to remember that I am surrounded by those who love me for who i always will be, and that no matter what happens I will always have a ton of shoulders to lean on when it gets too tough.

College and work isn't so bad when I think about it like that. (:
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