Sunday, May 9, 2010

a mother's love

I want this post to be about my wonderful mother, and about how much I love her & wanted to show her that today. But with that said, I need to say how...not terrible, but unappreciative I've acted through the years towards her. My mother and I have had head-butting fights for as along as I can remember. The types of fights that bring stinging words out of your mouth because you're hurt and angry, but then the minute you say it you wish you could suck them back in, lock them away and throw away the key. At that point, though, the pain has already sunk in. I'm 18 now, and mostly we're okay. We hardly fight, and they're not the destructive fights they use to be, and I think I know why we fought- we were so much alike. We were, and still are, stubborn women who didn't want to be wrong, who didn't want to say sorry because we had too much pride, and who felt hurt that fighting was what we resulted to. It's so much better now, and my mother and I are closer than ever. She is the type of friend you can depend on no matter what, no matter how long you haven't seen them, through wind, fire, rain they will be there.

My mother's best friend called this morning, and her mother died the day before so she was very down-heartened but I told her Happy Mother's Day none-the-less because she is a mom and she deserves to have that recognized. I told her what I did for my mother today, and she remarked on how mature I've gotten in the past year. I can honestly say I agree with her. I feel more mature. Don't get me wrong, I still make lame jokes, I curse too much for my age, and I can run with a dirty joke like any other teenager...but inside, I feel a part of me has aged and grown and is ready to walk that road to adulthood. I have so many people to thank for that, but mostly my mother.

I wanted to make today so special for her. She has gone through so much last year and even into this year that I wanted to let her have a day that just screamed YOU ARE LOVED! I woke up extraextraextra early, 7:00am early, which for an 18 year old is like walking into unknown territory because I'm rarely up before 1:oopm on a Sunday. I made her breakfast: pancakes, muffins, eggs.

I galloped around the front lawn at 8:30 in the morning, eyes still bleary from sleep, body still clad in pajamas, as I searched for wildflowers to add to her mother's day tray. It was windy, cold and I quick put on sandals so my toes were frozen, but you know what, I didn't feel a speck of agitation. I was just worried about finding flowers because you can't have a mother's day tray without flowers, no matter what kind they are. I made her pancakes with a little extra love & surprise: with chocolate chips (only to later find out while she was eating them that she wasn't that fond of chocolate chips, but she loved the pancakes anyway) and I even added a dollop of whip cream on them. Only now writing this did I remember I forgot to cut the pancakes out as hearts...oh well! She felt the love even without having to show her in the form of pancakes. I'm surprise that in all this cooking, in which I had the burner on and the stove, I didn't burn myself. Not even once. I have a long track record for finding ways to get my appendages burnt. I love cooking (mostly) but cooking does not like me!

I waited patiently but with anticipation as the clock read 8:45, 8:50, 8:55. I re-heated the food I made (I got up a bit too early and ended up having extra time, which I spent going around the house tidying up, because even if Mom doesn't notice, she won't have to do it) and got the tray set up perfectly. Utensils, a napkin that had a sweet "HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY" note on the side (handwritten), wilting wildflowers, and my homemade card & gift propped up front and center on the tray. It was possibly the best arrange for mother's day I've made thus far, and I've been making her breakfast for mother's day for quite a few years now.

My mom usually gets up on sunday's around 9:00 so at exactly nine I peeked open her door only to see her tired, just-awake eyes locked on mine, and I saw her smile and I matched her one of my own. I walked in, gave her a kiss, told her Happy Mother's Day and told her I made her breakfast. Mom doesn't always do the breakfast-in-bed thing, so I asked what she wanted and she said she'd be out in a couple minutes. I excitedly left and put her tray on the table. The thing about mother's day to me is, that it really should be every day. Why do I only do this for her once a year? I know I should do it more, and that's on me, but why legally is there only one mother's day. I am totally for having several a year because mom's deserve it, yo. The stuff you mom's do is amazing and while I haven't always known you were getting your mom on, and us kids were taking for granted all that you did for us, I know now, we know, at least somewhat, and we're so ready to say thank you. (Although I've seen some kids and how they act and I honestly wonder where their mom's have been...)

She loved her breakfast, she loved her homemade card, and she loved the video I made her. The video was pictures of her and I together when I was a baby; her holding me, feeding me, loving me. I put on a nice song in the background, added some Mother related qoutes, put a person message at the end, and there you have it. A perfect mother's day gift. I've become very good at making videos on my laptop, and use it to my advantage on special occasions. (Like the one I made for my parents for Christmas, the one that even had my dad wiping his eye and declaring he wasn't crying, he just had something in his eye.)

Mother's Day isn't over, so suck the marrow from today's bones and remember that while most of the year you may sometimes feel like an under appreciated superhero, a superhero no one recognizes, we do and your kids love you. Kids love everything their mothers do even if we don't know it, because in the end it makes us great people, who grow up to teach our kids the things you taught us. It's a beautiful cycle that I can't wait to be in someday. I can't wait to have a mother's day of my own, where I am a mommy that is being appreciated, while also paying my thanks to my mom for giving me the greatest gift: Life.


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