Thursday, May 27, 2010

life and such

My life at times, most times, seems pretty mundane, but below the surface are a ton of problems coursing madly. This isn't going to be a rant post...more of an outline of things that are happening, or upcoming things happening. I just need a place to clear my thoughts, and this is the perfect place.

With college being the next step, I'm starting to realize that the real world is a lot harder than this teenage world we delude ourselves in. The teenage world is filled with petty drama (for the most part, there are exceptions to everything), amazingly fun times, and school deadlines. Put a few fillers in between those main things, and you basically have what being a teen is like. As if anyone could forget. But coming out from that is like a brick to the face. There is no easy transition from teen world to adult world. There are no definite steps on how to make it easily from one stepping stone to the next. I'm currently in the middle of these steps, one foot on each, and I'm so reluctant to take my foot off my old spot...but at the same time I want to see what the world look likes from this new shiny spot. Even if the shiny spot is way more slippery.

Lots of adults in these past weeks have been telling me "this is how it is". I've been complaining because I can't get a hold of people for college. And now I've got issues with getting money back from one college, and its like...I just want something to go my way. Because it really hasn't been going my way for quite sometime. The good thing is that I'm a resilient person. I can get knocked down, I'll take a few seconds to take what's been thrown at me, and then I get back up to try again. I've been doing this so much that I'm tired. I don't know how much longer I can keep getting up. What with college problems, trying to get a job, growing up in one has the rules to life. No one has the exact booklet of how to make it. It's something you have to learn, it's something you have to yearn as you grow and you get these secrets whispered in your ear. It gets harder at the same time it gets easier. It is way too different from magical teen land. I'm just trying to cope with it one deep breath at a time.

On a happier note, prom is so close! This Sunday! The next few days are going to be filled with excitement. Saturday I go get my nails done, and then Sunday is the big day. I get my hair done by a friend I know, get all dolled up...and then ride in a limo to the magical place our class rented for the night. I don't have a date, and I don't need one! I can create special moments without someone hanging from my arm, especially with my wonderful friends at my side. I plan to laugh, to dance, to smile and enjoy this time as a kid. Because that night that is what we will be celebrating. Our freedom to still be a kid, even if we're so close to crossing that bridge to adulthood. I feel sad, and yet at the same time the feeling of so close is overwhelming.

I'm also super excited for summer. I want sun, i want Popsicle, i want to sleep in, i want to have random days of friends coming over, I want the days all to myself. Summer offers this all and more. I love the flowers, I love the sun (not always the heat), I love the sparkling water, the white puffy clouds and the birdsongs.

I guess everyone feels this overwhelming sensation at times. But the key to it is to remember there are good things waiting on every corner, no matter what dark street you seem to be walking.


Post a Comment

Blog Template by Delicious Design Studio