Monday, May 10, 2010


Today honestly did not feel like a Monday. I felt surprisingly refreshed once I got myself awake enough. I even felt good on the bus this morning, lip syncing to my songs and smiling happily. That hardly ever happens. I haven't bothered to get my license yet, and I really do need to get on that, but until then I ride the bus. Each morning we pass a cemetary, and I'm a very touchy person when it comes to death, so if I'm feeling down enough I get upset and try not to look, because the feeling the sight of those tombstones, and the thought that I will someday have one, bring on is painful. Today though, and this has never happened, I looked at them with a smile, lovely music filling my ears, and the smile reached my eyes as I saw the tiny American flags waving from them, flowers, trinkets and gifts set delicately to the side of the gray stones, bringing a wave of color to their otherwise dull pigment. I couldn't look away, and as I looked I just thought they are still remembered, they are still loved and for that moment I felt okay with the thought that I will someday die. Unknown be damned, it will be okay. Who knows how long that will last, I'm a very touchy person with that subject and it's locked away in a black box that I hate opening, shoved into the corner of my mind to be found hidden by dust and cobwebs when the topic gets brought up.

Although still technically spring, and as cold as it is right now with this quick coldfront we've gotten, I feel summer in my bones. I see it in the vibrant colors spring has brought with it, the green of trees, the reds, yellows, purples of blooming flowers, the deep chocolate brown of wild animals coming out of hibernation. It's beautiful, like a bird song deep in my heart it makes me want to break out of my school's walls and just pick flowers. School is so dreary! Our school has whites, blacks and a very very mustard yellow. Why not bright yellow? I don't even get to hear bird songs during class, they're cloaked by the banging, beeping, shouting of machines and workers adding onto our school. Try listening to that for 160 minutes every morning, in a freezing cold room no less! I like my first two classes, but they could be a bit more pleasant with a little bit of color and warmth!

I believe my college stuff is working out. You'd think with all this funding they say goes out to schooling, they could help the families who truly need help (mine!) instead of turning their backs on us and leaving kids scrambling around for alternative ideas. America doesn't have its priorities straight on some issues, and on others they focus too heavily; there is undistributed help! Anyway, someone should write a college help book. I mean a thorough one that goes from top to bottom on things to expect because I could have used one a while ago, and I bet it would get the author big money. College is so hard to see, and beyond that's even blurrier, but I am so excited for it. I'm not so much excited for the down times, which I know I'll have my fair share, or the tons of responsibility (ugh), but for the people I'll meet, the job(s) I'll have, the guy I'll someday settle down with, the house we'll buy, the pitter-patter of feet on the floor, so excited for every ounce of that! Life is a truly wonderful thing and as a kid I don't think you get to really experience even a quarter of it yet. I'm ready to move on to the amazing, new, wonderful things I know life has in store for me.


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