Saturday, May 15, 2010

perfection in imperfection

There's a lot more to life than just success, fame, and money. Perfection is broadcast by the media as being this famous beautiful skinny popular person; someone who has everything, when yet most of these people have some of the biggest character flaws I've ever seen. The thing is, the media has caused a lot of insecurities to rise up in me. It has for a lot of people, and it always will, I think. But what I've slowly been learning is that a lot of people don't see perfection as what is being advertised on billboards, magazines, and commercials. A lot of people find perfection as being imperfection. Loving yourself for who you are, being the best person you can be while realizing you have flaws, and knowing you are beautiful for those unique qualities.

There's still a couple things I'm not happy with about myself. Somethings I can't change about myself, and others I can. Most of the things I can change are personality based. There is a part of me that is concrete; my way of always finding a laugh in something, being there for someone no matter what, loving so hard that it's sometimes scary. Yet there are some things that I know are going to be difficult to change, and I might carry them with me forever, but I want to keep them in check. One would be my temper. I'm sometimes quick to anger, and I'm amazing at fighting. I hate fighting, and I hate knowing it's something I'm good at. Words shouldn't be used as sharp spears to throw at others when you're angry at each other. I want to smooth those sharp edges of my personality and fill them more with love, patience and understanding. I've honestly been trying, and sometimes I move up a notch. Other times I feel like I fall back more than I've moved forward; but knowing this means I've gained progress. Everyone has things about themselves that can be changed, and everyone has things about themselves they need to just embrace. I want to embrace the physical "flaws" (in my eyes, anyway) I have, embrace the lovely personality I know I have, while trying my hardest to grow and change to become a mature young women.

I've hurt some of my family members with my sharp tongue, and I've caused a lot pain. Not to say I haven't been caused pain, too. Fighting is like a double edged sword, but I've acknowledged the fact that my need to get my two cents in isn't always helpful, especially when I can be a sassy, witty, know-it-all itch with a capital B. There are parts of my temper that I think are positive, such as knowing when not to let people walk over me, and always being willing to back someone up if they needed it. I'm not afraid to fight for myself and my beliefs. There are parts that I think are negative. My need to always get the last word, or my use of digs only to upset the other person. I don't say these things to make digs at myself either...I just know that this is something I need to change within myself. I'm trying to become a person I can be happy with, I'm honestly trying, and I think it's good that I'm doing it now, instead of realizing it 20 years down the line when it might be a lot harder.

I may always have a bad temper, actually, I know I always will. But that doesn't mean it has to be pronounced. I can soften it, keep it in check. This is my goal, and I can be very determined when I want to be. Sometimes I slip up, like tonight when my mother and I fought...but it wasn't as bad as it could have, and has, been. I call this progress. And tomorrow I will apologize, and even that can be seen as a step forward.

We all have flaws, or things we aren't happy with. This isn't bad, they don't make us any less perfect, in fact....they make us even more perfect than any breath taking, skinny, glamorous life-of-the-party model on TV. Because God made us all unique, with different personalities, and that makes us so much more amazingly perfect.


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