Saturday, January 15, 2011

slice of happiness

I felt compelled to write today. Something inside of me just wants to feel the keys click under my fingers, and see words form across a white blank space. I don't have something earth shattering to talk about, but I think that's okay because life isn't always filled with those amazing days that take your breathe away. Sometimes you need the days that give you room to breath, so that you're ready when the wind get knocks out of you- in a good way, or a bad.

Something that has been nagging at the back of my mind is how content and yet, uncontent I am with where I am in my life. Don't get me wrong, I'm doing fine right now. I have a good enough job that I actually enjoy, I have great friends, and I'm in college. With that said, there are lots of things I don't like about where I am. I'm not in the college I want, I don't get much time to be with my friends, I'm having family issues that take their toll on me and financial issues to boot. On a normal day, those things don't bug me I can look past them, and even today I'm not bothered all that much because I know I am the one to shape my future, and I'll get it there. But I wanted to reflect on it, on how much I want this to change and how very scared I am to see it change, and how if I could I'd stay in this exact time period of my life forever.

I have a job I actually enjoy going to, that I get decent money from, and I'm getting somewhat of a college degree however scattered, so I'm not uneducated, I have friends old and new that I love being near, and my family is here with me. In that place I want to be none of those exist. I'd have to move to go to the college I want, and neither my family nor friends are willing to move with me and I wouldn't ask. My job certainly can't come with me, so I'll have to find a new one. I'm scared of having to find another job in this unsteady wobbling economy. It's so very easy to stay with the place you're use to, the place you feel comfortable and warm, where you know every inch of terrain and nothing is surprising. But that's not what life is about. Life is about going forward, taking those chances to achieve your happiness and dreams, which ever they may be. Mine just happen to take me a little farther away from my shelter, from my home.

I am a very stubborn person, so my two sides are very conflicting of each other. One is holding the flag of "You can't leave! This is your home!" and the other is like "You need to leave to start your life, they will always be there for you where ever you may be!" and while the latter side has a winning argument I am a girl who loves stability, and familiarity, and doesn't always like change.

So I guess what I have to do is...enjoy this moment of my life well, take advantage of it and remember that to go forward I must be confronted by things that make me uncomfortable. That's how it has to be. We must experiance new things to learn more, so we can shape our lives to become a piece of our own slice of happiness.

Happy Saturday!


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