Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Adu, January! Almost...

I can't believe we can almost bid adu to January, that we've spent almost a whole month in this new year. Honestly, this month has probably allowed me to go through the best learning experience I've ever had.

Growing up, and I've probably said this before, is shaped by our experiences. It's shaped by those who touch our lives, those we allow into them, and the situations we get ourselves into, or that force themselves upon us. Any one of these can quickly become, or just be, a bad experience, but what I've learned is that you have to try and look upon something that isn't the best experience as just another lesson learned. A lesson to add to my charm bracelet of life, where I can let it dangle delicately from my wrist; always there to remind me that I've been through that, no matter how good or bad. These reminders help us grow as people, help change our perceptions, and allow us to create better experiences for ourselves, because once we find something that wasn't quite right, we can go in search of that something that is right.

In my case, it's more of a relationship experience. This month has helped me figure out the type of relationship I'm looking for with a man, and one that I am not. It's told me the type of girl I am; the kind that likes flirting, winks, a hand on her side, the emotions that come with all that. If those elements are missing, count me out- it's not for me. Every women is different, some like more serious things, and some don't mind flings. I'm not the latter girl, I want something serious, a connection to someone else that allows me to learn them, for them to learn me, and us to get to know one another well. I've been through a situation that just didn't feel right, and it was because it wasn't what I was looking for, and in experiencing it it has told me so much about myself.

It's disappointing when something you really want doesn't go the way you expect, but I understand why it's not going how I wanted and I'm happy I've learned what was missing so I can take that knowledge and apply it to future experiences. Not every experience I have is as enlightening, and sometimes things happen to us that are really hard to get over. I just try to really remember that nothing can defeat us unless we let it defeat us; even in the worst of times someone can smile at a good memory long past. Everything we do stays with us and I'm learning to apply what I learn, what I remember, and what I go through in the present to my ultimate goal. My personal goal is to create a life I am completely happy worth living, with people I love with all my heart surrounding me, and always with a sense of humor.

I take each day as it comes, because otherwise it can get overwhelming. There are a lot of what if's: with my job, my school, my family, my friends, etc. It goes on, and people forget today because they're worrying about a tomorrow that may be close but isn't here yet.


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