Monday, January 17, 2011

random toolate/tooearly posts

Aren't random 2:30 in the morning posts just the bees knees? I think so.

We're supposedly getting a huge storm tonight, which judging by the snow falling steadily from the sky and coating our already snow-covered yard, is actually truth. I usually hate snow, and I'll curse it up and down the block and back, because it's cold, slushy and wet. I hate it. This time around though, I feel differently. For one, I'm praying this weather will cause my college to cancel it's classes and I get a few more days before I need to go back to school. And secondly, I want to sled. Yes, I said it. I want to put on those layers and boots, trek up to the biggest hill I can find and sled down it. The only problem is I don't have a sled, but I'm sure I can find a substitute. I'll only get to sled though if my classes are canceled tomorrow. So please snow, I will take back every bad thing I said about you if you only work in my favor by coating the roads to hell and back and icy them up like nobodies business!!

The responsible college student in me is screaming for me to go to sleep. The teenager in me is like "you're so gonna have a college snow day, stay up late!!" I'm really unsure about how colleges judge it. I've only been in college for one semester and my college hasn't ever closed for anything other than holidays- and sometimes not even those! So we're playing it by...nothing, really. I'm the only one to blame if I gotta get up at 8 in the morning after falling in to bed around 3 or 4am. Just hope the snow + my tired soul won't = something terrible. Hmm. Sometimes I wish I loved coffee...

Either way, snow day or no snow day, I'll set my alarm for 8am regardless. If I have school, I'll get up begrudgingly and get ready to leave. If I don't have school I'll fall back to sleep, wake up later, maybe work out (ohhh, ambitious) and find someone to come sledding with me (aka: find someone who actually has a sled). I haven't done that in forever, and there's something about flying down a huge hill that gives you that rollarcoaster-rush feeling. I just hate the part where you gotta work your way back up, that part sucks. I remember when I was younger I wish I had a portable escalator. Wouldn't that have been awesome? I'll find someone to make that a reality and patent it.

On an entirely different note, things with my boy (and although we're not dating, I feel he needs a title on here other than his name, so it'll do) are progressing slowly and amazingly, to sound totally sickeningly starry eyed. As I've said before, I am not disillusioned to the realities that surround our bizarre relationship, but for once it's nice to be the girl who gets the eyes turned on her, who has the guy wanting to talk to her, or hold her hand, or just brush against her side. I like the compliments, and the smiles sent my way. On the flipside of that, he is a guy. Which means sometimes he upsets me, or annoys me, or just down right confuses me. I don't know how to judge this thing we have, is him ignoring me for a while mean he's mad at me, or mean he's just busy working? Does him not talking to me for a bit mean I did something, or is he just in a distant mood? I guess I'm the same way, because I don't always come into work ready to smile his way, or flirt with him; sometimes I'm tired, or wish I was at home, or just mad at something a costumer did. That's okay, I never get really upset with him about it, and by the next time I work I'm ready to lure him in again.

I feel like on here, and in real life, I talk about it too much. I feel I give off the impression I want to get married to him someday and have 2.5 kids and a house- none of that is in my future with him. In fact, our future is just as long as we allow it, which means it's day to day because the days I work are when we see each other. I'm pretty positive he knows this too, but we never bring up the fact there's nothing beyond this flirt-at-work thing. Sometimes you just need something like that. I don't expect every relationship i have to be serious, and in a way I'm kinda glad my first brush in with a boy isn't too serious. For a lot of things I like to jump right into the pool, full on cannon ball, and for other things I get overwhelmed easily and toes-first is the only way I can go. That's how I feel with this. Big toe first, test the temperature. Then slowly we sink down the steps until suddenly before you know it you're waist deep- but the option to get out right then and there is always there, and I like that I have that with this. I don't have to jump in and fight my way out, I'm only inching my way in so that if suddenly I can't do it, or don't want to do it anymore, all I gotta do is calmly get out. Woah, analogy over-kill but I think that one was easy enough to follow.

For the record, he does mean a lot to me. He isn't someone I'm toying with to have a good time. I'm not like that, and he is the first boy I've ever done this type of stuff it's safe to say he's probably got the advantage. Mental-wise though, I think I have a steady ground of where we are, or where I think I am anyway. I know what I want out of it, and I know where it can't go. Will he be my first love? Who knows. I like him alot but love is a big thing, and how can you tell romantic-love is really love? I have nothing to compare it to... Even if I fall in love with him, not everyone stays with there first love, and I know I won't either. He will become a memory to share with my husband, a life lesson to share with my kids, and a good memory to look back on when I'm older reminiscing about my younger years. We all need those, right? I want those. That's what life is about. We piece together these parts of us that are made up of encounters, experiences, people, places, emotions. We remember them, we live them, we go through them. They don't always stay, they don't always go, but they'll forever make up who we are.

Too deep? I don't know... We'll end it there, I guess. I should get to bed, it's almost 3:00am yikes!! Come on, snow, give us all you've got.


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