Tuesday, March 22, 2011

boy, oh boy.

This past week has been amazingly mellow with an ending dash of drama. It's left me in this mood of having so much to say, but not knowing how to get the words out, and emotions that differ so drastically I'm unsure of how to even feel. Our feelings for someone can alter how we react to what they do or say, but if something someone does or says hurts you....it hurts you. Those feelings you have for them, though, that like (or love) you have for them makes you want to easily forgive them even when you're not exactly sure you should. I was in that boat this past weekend and I'm still confused about it. I'm an independent strong women, and yet sometimes I feel helpless when it comes to how I feel about him. I know it won't last forever, I know this isn't the for-keeps relationship; not the one I start dreams on, like a family, a house, kids and a dog. But it's the beginning of something, and he's the start of something I can't even describe. I've laughed, cried, smiled and just...been so angry, confused, upset when it's come to him. But the moments that are good, the moments I feel the butterflies and I think back to his smile, or his laugh, or our times together...sometimes it's worth the frustrations. Or the uncertainty. Or the hurt (emotionally, NEVER physically, yikes lol).

As girls, this comes with the territory with boys. I just never realized how intense it would be, I guess. No wonder there are so many steel heart, locked-up heart and guarded heart songs/poems written by women LOL. I get it now!


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