Wednesday, October 6, 2010


October. OCTOBER. The tenth month. The month that zooms by with candy and costumes, with the fall weather close on it's heels. It's been a wet and rainy October over here. It's been cold and dreary and doesn't exactly show me a promising of a good fall/winter. And yet, I can't help but get excited about Thanksgiving, the meal I promise to help my mom with this year, Halloween, I'm still not sure what I'm going to be this year, and Christmas, where I actually have money to buy those I love gifts that come from my heart. Yes, I can't believe all this is fast approaching... It was just summer a couple of months ago, and a couple of months before THOSE months I was graduating! Time flies, and when you're a kid you think it's great, but as an adult you're thinking "STOP STOP STOP ALREADY!!!" There really is this cliche about becoming an adult and then all of a sudden wishing you were that sticky, bossy, know-it-all, plays-in-the-mud kid again; I certainly wish I could go back to those days (although who says I can't do all that now, hmmmm...?)

I rarely post here anymore, and it bugs me, but I'm stuck in that I-have-no-time-but-really-i-do place. I really don't have much time for things. I have school all weekday and then weekends I have work. I don't see friends, I hardly go anywhere, and I don't get time to schedule anything in. But I find myself with all this stay-at-home freetime and it's boring as boring can be. The internet is HUGE but there's only so much time you want to spend staring at a screen all day, and with the weather chilling outside, there's not much hope for me doing anything out there. So I'm in this weird place of honestly having no time, and yet having TOO much time on my hands. I wish I saw my friends more- perhaps if I did I would be a lot more satisfied with how everything has been playing out.

I got my drivers permit! FINALLY, I know. It's great and scary and exhilarating and nerve-wrecking being behind a vehicle. I drove home from the DMV and it ended in tears and a fight between my mom and I- so yes, nerve-wrecking for BOTH of us, haha. It's gotten better. We're not as tense when I'm driving, so it's easy for her to help me because I don't get as defensive or scared that I made a mistake. I want to get my license as fast as possible, and yet I don' feels like this last adult thing I have to do and then....that's it. I'm an adult; "take your shiny plastic card of identification and exit to the left please, have a great stay in Adulthood!" I can see the unfortunate employee greeting me at the door of Adulthood, bags under her eyes and smile strained. I mean, it's not like I don't have a positive look on adulthood. I'm one step closer to finding someone to settle down with and raise a family, to getting my degree and my dream job. But I've always been a very exuberate, excited, spontanious person, and adulthood just...isnt. At least the regular paying-the-bills, go-to-work, buy-a-sensible-car adulthood, anyway. I know there are ALWAYS exceptions, and I really want to be one of those. I never want to lose my ability to feel young at heart, to laugh always, and to have this uniqueness that others may at times find weird. I love that about me. It is me.

But that's a tiny bit down the line, and I don't have to worry yet. I'm still a college student who can get away with mistakes and the fact that she's not "knowledgeable" enough yet. And that's fine by me!

But really, I can't wait for these holidays. They mean happiness, family and holiday breaks. They mean friends I haven't seen in a while, good food, and love. They mean everything I've been missing and everything I've been waiting for.

I really need to get moving on a Halloween costume, I think my works having a party and that's gonna be awesome. I've been everything from a hip hop dancer to a bodyguard for Halloween...what to be this year??? Hmmmmmmmmmm.


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